Life with Cystic Acne: Barcroft TV

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I usually view Barcroft TV as the TLC channel of Youtube — rife with “wacky” counterculture lives, most of which are played up for the sake of the camera. But Barcroft TV has also done several body-positive videos. I really like this idea because it visually explains the struggles of someone with an “abnormal” body in some way, while also stating that it’s okay to be different, particularly when it’s something you cannot control.

Many of the subjects in these latter videos have honest and realistic takes on life. And while most, in the end, triumph in some capacity, the sadness and pain they experience to get to that point can sometimes be extremely relatable to the viewer.

In the past two years, Barcroft has made a few videos related to people suffering very extreme forms of acne. But the video I’ve embedded today really hit home for me. At one point, the subject states that she thought her boyfriend would break up with her because of her acne. Fortunately, her boyfriend — now husband — could only express shock toward her concern, because her acne had never even “been on his radar”.

But the moment she explained how insecure her acne made her, to the point of no one wanting to date her because of it, was heart-wrenching for me. I remember feeling the exact same way as her at one point, when my acne was at it’s worst.

I’m glad Barcroft posted this video, normalizing a not-uncommon condition and highlighting the mental suffering involved when you have cystic acne. This girl is beautiful, and has a great personality — and major props to her awesome husband, who can see beyond the skin. Now that’s the kind of partner every girl needs!

Now, on with the show! Click the play button on the video below to watch. ~A

My Beauty Diary Face Masks

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My Beauty Diary sheet masks are the best way to ease yourself into the sheet mask world. In fact, I’ve tried other brands of sheet masks, and always find myself wanting to go back to MBD. They’re cheap ($13 for a pack of eight), effective, and the masks fit and stay on my face better than any other. Because they fit better, they also seem to pick up grits off of my skin more effectively. And although all of the masks are lightly fragranced, they’re not overwhelming or head-ache inducing (with a few exceptions) — which is important, since these masks needs to stay on your face for twenty to thirty minutes.

There’s a lot of types of these masks, though. There’s also been a couple reformulations, and packaging changes, making it hard to discern which ones stand out more than the others. Usually I buy assorted packs on Amazon so that I can try them out to see which ones work for me, and which ones don’t. Here’s a short list of my personal favorites, and some of my not so favorites.

Like: Imperial Bird’s Nest Mask. This is probably the most hydrating sheet mask I’ve ever used across several sheet mask brands. Although the mask is goopy, and therefore a bit difficult to get out of the package and onto your face, the hydrating effect this has on the skin is totally worth it. The effects last throughout the day without being sticky. The ingredients might elicit an eyebrow raise (swiftlet nest extract, which implies, um, bird saliva), but visibly prove to be beneficial for the long-term health and hydration of the skin. My skin quality is fantastic when I use this twice a week. 5/5

Like: Natto Mask. Another mask where the ingredients are a little questionable (fermented soybeans), but the after-effects are indisputable: this sheet mask will make your skin super smooth, and incredibly hydrated. My only complaint is that the effects don’t seem to last as long as Imperial Bird’s Nest. 4.75/5

Like: Royal Pearl Mask. This mask is fantastic at skin brightening and evening out complexion. It’s purpose is not necessarily to be hydrating, so it won’t have as much of a long-term skin smoothing effect, but it really does noticeably illuminate your skin. I still wish it was a tad more hydrating, even though I know that’s not the point. But overall, Royal Pearl Mask is a great mask for my complexion. 4.5/5

Dislike: Aloe Vera Mask. Aloe Vera is typically used to diminish sun damage, and decrease redness caused by skin irritation. I used this on a “bad skin day”, hoping it would help to decrease some inflammation. I discovered that, not only is this mask not hydrating at all, but it doesn’t really do much in the way of easing skin irritation. Weirdly, I think this mask could even be described as “dry” (which might be caused by the aloe vera, since it’s cooling and tacky). 1/5

Dislike: Red Wine Mask. This mask just isn’t really for me. Red wine contains reservatrol, which is supposed to help with anti aging. Moisturizing and complexion evening is another key component of this mask. I… guess it’s a bit moisturizing, but doesn’t do anything at all for my complexion in the way of evening it out, or brightening. This mask is also more powerfully scented than the others. My biggest gripe with this is the fact that it’s sticky for a long time while drying, and still sticky even after it’s dried down — aka, doesn’t play well with other products over it. 2/5

Leave a comment if you have a favorite My Beauty Diary mask — or any mask at all! ~A

The Vicious Cycle of Makeup

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I love makeup: I love what it’s capable of. I love the artistry that goes into good makeup application (which I admittedly don’t have much of, which makes me appreciate the talent even more). I love the confidence and pride it instills in me after I’ve applied it successfully, in such a way that my features have been noticeably enhanced.

I loved makeup a lot when my skin was at my worse. Having cystic acne kept me constantly checking mirrors, shielding my face from others, not making eye contact, and generally just not wanting to interact or interface with anyone, even the people I was very close with, who ostensibly wouldn’t judge or care if I had acne in the first place. Makeup — foundation, specifically, that was full coverage enough to hide the acne — was able to eradicate my fear of going out into the world, perhaps not fully, but to a great extent.

Foundation can make your skin look great. It can make it look smooth and blemish-free, amongst other things. But foundation itself — what’s in it — is still just chemicals and ingredients, both natural and unnatural. Foundation is not your skin. No matter what the label tells you — non comedogenic, natural ingredients only, oil-free, skin-like, etc. — it’s still not your skin. You are putting, painting a foreign substance over and onto your natural human skin. Keeping that in mind, there’s a good chance you may be an individual who is impervious to certain irritants, so wearing makeup is a non-issue for you. But the other half of us has an equally good chance of experiencing breakouts after a full day of foundation. I am in this latter half.

When you are someone with sensitive skin, makeup becomes both the savior and the catalyst for your skin issues. I needed makeup to cover up the problems on my skin. But the makeup was also making me break out more, as evidenced when I came home every night, rinsed the makeup off, and came to find out that more spots had appeared.

Even Kendall Jenner isn’t immune!

I was really able to put this to the test over the past month, now that my skin is usually close to 100% clear, thanks to the very powerful Epiduo. Generally speaking, I’ve been going to work without any foundation. But on the days I do wear foundation to work, I come home after eight hours and notice my pores show sign of congestion even after washing the makeup off. Which leads me to believe, for at least half of us with sensitive skin in the world, makeup will only make your issues worse.

But it’s really difficult to go out into the world without makeup, if you’re trying to cover up acne. At the height of my skin issues, I had the suggestion made to me that I needed to wash my face at night. That was such an embarrassing comment to receive — of course I was washing my face at night already! Just washing my skin was not going to cure a hormonal problem!

So, makeup can really do amazing things for your confidence, particularly when you feel you’re at your lowest. But I wish I had been more confident to go out on public without makeup when my acne was at it’s worst, and I really feel for those who are in a similar position as me. I wish the education around acne and what causes it was a little more mainstream in our society, so others wouldn’t automatically assume the sufferer was “unclean”, thus reducing the stigma around it.

I’ll never trash my bottles of foundation, and I’ll never unsubscribe from my favorite MUA’s on Youtube. Makeup is an art — it can accomplish amazing things if applied correctly. But from now on, I’m going to try to go bare-faced as much as I possibly can, even when a small breakout occurs. And I hope, for the new year, that my beautiful readers have the confidence to go out into the world with a look based on what they are comfortable with, and not just what society deems as “acceptable”. ~A

Both of the Georgia Gibbs in this picture are beautiful!

Mielle Organics White Peony Leave-In Conditioner

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Repairing my hair in it’s current state — bleached to oblivion — is no easy feat, and like anything else, is a work-in-process requiring work and time and tears shed over the chemically burned hair falling into my sink. That said, my hair masks and leave-in conditioners have their work cut out for them. This particular leave-in has done a great job putting moisture and shine back in considering the circumstances, but has a couple downfalls that will probably cause me to not repurchase.

This is not a picture of my ends, but it might as well be

I like Mielle’s line of cosmetics conceptually, since there’s a focus on organic ingredients and leaving out the “bad stuff”. This conditioner is no exception. We’ve got argan oil, coconut oil, white peony and green tea extracts, and jojoba oil, to name a few. No parabens, no sulfates, no drying alcohols. Also, their line tends to run on the lower end of price for mid-line products, so the price is right on this conditioner for $10.

The conditioner is pretty thick — in combination with a regular-sized sprayer, this makes it somewhat difficult to cover a large expanse of hair with one or two sprays. The best way to do this is to section your hair off.

Now, the important part: comb the sections you just sprayed immediately. Although the white coloration of the conditioner will fade, the product will emulsify quickly into a goopy mat in your hair if you don’t spread it out. This is my number one gripe about the product. I would comb it through a million times and yet, somehow, in the middle of the day, I would run my fingers through my hair and find that my hair was sticking together from the conditioner. Perhaps part of this is exacerbated by the pre-existing damage in my hair, and because this is a heavy leave-in, but… still, matting together after I’d already combed it through is just not cool.

The smell is weirdly abrasive past the five minute mark. Initially, it smells light and flowery, not unlike other leave-ins. But not long after, the smell becomes overly soapy — dare I say it, close to the sterile, hospital-cleaning-supply smell. Even without over-saturating the product, the smell never quite dissipates, and lingers throughout the day.

Ok, that’s enough of the cons… The pros of this product are that it can turn any monster mess of over-processed hair into a shiny, lustrous mane! My hair feels smooth to the touch. Heck, my hair feels strong and looks shiny, even when I wake up the next morning, the day after it’s initial use. And considering the conditioner itself is so thick, this doesn’t feel heavy or greasy in my hair.

This conditioner is top-notch for fly-aways. Now, again, considering how damaged my hair is, I expected nothing less than to have my split-ends flying away in the wind, for all to see. Instead, I seem to have less fly-aways and static-y hair than ever before, even before I started bleaching my hair. I think I can attribute that to hair masks, and this leave-in.

Unfortunately, due to the smell and the conditioners tendency to clump in my hair, I’ll probably look for other leave-in products first before re-buying this one. But overall, the efficacy of this conditioner is great, and I recommend it to anyone with over-processed hair, thick or thin. Thanks to this conditioner, I’ve been able to trick people into believing my hair is still healthy. Little do they know that I step out of the shower every day looking like a bowl of ramen noodles. ~A

Perceived efficacy: 5/5

Longevity: 5/5

How much I actually like this product: 2.5/5

The Ordinary Buffet

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I was contemplating going back to my review for the Ordinary’s niacinamide and copy-pasting the whole thing into this post, since the wear and the results have been roughly the same for me between the two products. But, alas, that would have been boring.

In TO’s usual style, this is a serum that you can apply directly to your face using a dropper. Buffet’s serum is clear, but extremely heavy. I usually apply one squeeze of the dropper to both sides of my face, and to my forehead. When spreading the serum, I have to be INCREDIBLY careful to not go over the same section more than once. Because it pills. Like crazy.

The pilling, actually, merits it’s own dang paragraph. I had almost the identical problem with The Ordinary’s niacinamide. As the instructions state, your face must be clean before applying. And they mean it, too: nothing can be on your face, or this product will pill. Don’t even think about putting foundation, or any other moisturizer on top of this, either! This product plays well with nothing, and will cause your face to become a huge, pilling mess if you try to introduce anything else for the next eight hours. The serum does leave behind a tacky feeling even after it’s dried, and the residue will peel off your skin if you push on it too hard.

All that said… even on it’s own, this serum has a really nice sheen to it that makes your skin glow. I noticed that it decreases redness and other discoloration, too, which evens out your skin tone. If you’re comfortable with going out into the world bare-faced (and without a lot of sun exposure, since the likelihood of you applying SPF over this are most likely nil), this product will make your skin look phenomenal.

Long-term results have been harder for me to track, because of the aforementioned pilling product: most days, I’d like to be able to use SPF, and a little bit of foundation. Peptides and their supporting amino acid actors are supposed to be helpful to reduce signs of aging, but I’m of the opinion that this product itself is a one-time shot only. Once the product has worn off (or pilled off!), my skin no longer looks bright. Similar to the niacinamide product, the serum has a certain tacky-ness created by the ingredients that contributes to the shine, but I’m not convinced that it’s being absorbed well by the skin since it pills off so quickly, thus making me question if it’s truly effective.

If you’re a lucky individual who can stack Buffet with other products, there’s a few counter-indications for using this with other ingredients. Vitamin C will nullify the effects of ‘Buffet, as will any other direct acid, such as lactic acid. In terms of comedogenicity, despite Buffet leaving behind a residue, this did not cause me to break out, or create any sort of irritation. Yay!

If you’re going bare-faced and are willing to forgo all of your other skincare products that day, Buffet is the way to go. You will be glow-y and bright! Otherwise, I’d skip this one in any routine. I’m hoping to find another peptide serum that plays better with others.

Happy 2020! May we have all have fantastic skin this year! ~A

Perceived efficacy: Short term, 5/5

Longevity: 4/5

How much I actually like this product: 2.5/5

Recommended for sensitive skin: Yes

Holy Grail No More

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Good morning readers, and Happy New Year!

For the new year, I decided to do a small purge of my skincare collection. As the seasons change, and as I’ve continued on with my Epiduo and spironolactone treatment, my skin has changed a bit. Products that I used to swear by and considered HG status at one point just don’t work as well anymore. That’s not to say I don’t consider them good products anymore, I would still recommend them to someone with a particular skin need.

So, here is a list of products that are going into my “on-hold” stash, or in the trash, for 2020, despite their previously coveted “holy grail” status in my reviews.

Cerave PM. This started to make my skin feel congested and break out minorly. The buzz on Reddit is that Cerave PM was reformulated for 2019, and I’m wondering if that was related to my breakouts. Now, I’m on the hunt for a good niacinamide replacement…

undefinedCerave Hydrating and Foaming Cleanser. The foaming cleanser has always gotten a bad rap for being a little too harsh, and I agree with that. It’s also, for some reason, not very good at removing makeup. The hydrating cleanser tends to leave behind a film, and quite frankly won’t really make you feel clean. I’ve replaced both of these with CosRX Low PH Cleanser.

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MAC Matte Lipstick

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Lipstick is largely uncharted territory for me, since I’m not a particularly “careful” person, and my proclivity to smear or smudge it off is high. I decide, whilst wearing lipstick, it is a great time to drink out of every single mug and glass I can find, or wipe my face on my hand for some reason (classy, I know). But out of the handful of lipsticks I’ve tried in my life, this one is close error-proof. I got this as a gift from someone, and I’m very grateful to her for introducing me to it!

I have this in three colors, two of which are mauve and deep red tones (but aren’t in front of me currently — I think Marrakesh and Sin?). The one I carry around with me is Chili. I love the color payout on all of these — they’re very consistent and bold while not being TOO overwhelming — but Chili is by far my favorite. It’s a great classic red, without being gaudy.

These are indeed matte lipsticks, and they dry down almost immediately. Initially, it makes the color difficult to spread out, but it only needs a small swipe or two extra to fill any missed spots on your lips — after that, it seems to fill out on it’s own. I don’t use lip liner generally, and I don’t think that this lipstick looks “weird” without it, which is great. It’s also not prone to bleeding.

On the topic of matte, this lipstick is drying, which is to be expected. This is both good and bad for me. Bad, in the sense I am an Aquaphor/Vaseline on lips at all times type of person, and prefer the sensation of having hydrated lips over lipstick. But the fact it’s so dry is actually good. This doesn’t really rub off as easily as other lipsticks I’ve tried — the lipstick-on-coffee-mug factor is relatively low. On good days, I’ve been able to still see the color after seven hours (results not typical, though). It’s also withstood rain! I do like that the lipstick color really just “fades out” instead of cracking your lips as it dries out and flakes off.

Chili has a permanent home in my on-the-go makeup bag. Even though I don’t use lipstick on my day-to-day, it’s been perfect for surprise events. I think it’s worth the $16 buy if you’re a careless, irresponsible lipstick user like me!

Happy Holidays to all my wonderful readers! ~A

Perceived efficacy: 4.5/5

Longevity: 4/5

How much I actually like this product: 4/5

Mad Hippie Vitamin C Serum

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Once again, I fell victim to cute packaging, and a couple good reviews on Reddit. You can’t just print cute fractal flowers on the box and expect me not to be interested! I mean, it’s not to say that this product was awful: I suspect it might work better on some skin types, but certainly not mine, and I’m not convinced it was worth the $25 price tag.

I mean, come on…. just look at that cute packaging!

This is a no-frills, odorless serum that you apply on your face using the dropper. Unlike a few other serums I’ve tried, this product seems to start off faintly orange colored instead of clear, but I don’t think at that point it’s considered oxidized enough to lose it’s efficacy. Of course, it absorbs clear so there’s no issue with cast. So long as you’ve waited a few minutes to let it dry, this plays very well with anything you layer over it.

It seems like there’s a lot of good things going on in the ingredient listing. Vitamin C at 10% concentration, ferulic and hyaluronic acid, and a few other plant extracts like aloe, grapefruit, and chamomile. No drying alcohols, which is preferential for me personally, unlike the very well-known Timeless Vitamin C, which sports benzyl alcohol in the 2nd line of ingredients.

After a day of use, this serum will usually cause me to break out, and dries out my skin, causing my skin and/or makeup to flake off my face. To some degree, I would expect that, it is an exfoliant after all! But over two months of trial and every other day of use, it never really got better. I continued to break out, and my skin tone never became brighter.

I also felt like this product oxidized REALLY quickly, despite being in an air-tight, dark-colored bottle. The faintly orange cast became true orange in a little over a month, and also started to smell slightly iron-y. There’s a few outside factors that might have happened to cause this — maybe I had picked up a product that had been on the store shelves for a little bit too long — but most serums I’ve tried will stray away from oxidation for 3 to 4 months, at least.

The Mad Hippie Vitamin C serum definitely won’t be a rebuy of mine since it doesn’t play well with my skin. I also don’t think it’s worth the money for the short shelf life of the product. ~A

Perceived efficacy: 1.5/5

Longevity: 4/5

How much I actually like this product: 1.5/5

Recommended for sensitive skin: No

Queen Helene Cocoa Butter Lotion

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I think this is one of my favorite skincare products of all time, and also a huge personal secret of mine. Like, if I told anyone, my secret would be out, and this stuff would go flying off the shelves and I would never see it again. I know I’m not THAT influential, but a girl has her worries 🙂

If you go into Walmart or any drug or grocery store, you’ll usually find this HUGE (32 fl. oz!) bottle sitting on the lowest shelf, and, if you’re lucky, it’ll have the cheapest price point of anything you see around it for the same — or even lesser — size. At my local grocer, this runs me $3.

The lotion in this bottle has a very thin consistency, so be careful when squeezing out of the bottle. It’s so thin that it pretty much just falls out of the opening of the bottle on it’s own without any added pressure. But when applied, the consistency is very rich. This plumps up your skin, and dries VERY quickly. The color of the lotion itself is white with very faint tinges of yellow, but leaves no cast. Oh, and before I continue, I use this exclusively as a body lotion — I don’t recommend it at all for face!

Most other body lotions I’ve tried leave an uncomfortable residue after application that, at first, might make your skin FEEL soft to the touch, but after awhile you feel dry, like you have to apply more. That never happens with this cocoa butter! Even though the lotion’s consistency is thin, this is still incredibly hydrating, doesn’t leave any tacky residue and it never makes you feel dried out.The ingredient listing is noticeably shorter than a lot of other lotions out there, which is usually a good sign. No drying alcohols.

Even though I love this lotion, there are a few drawbacks to mention to the unconverted. The smell is VERY cocoa butter-y. It’s strong. I personally like it — it reminds me of summer! But is very noticeable when you’re not used to it. Is the smell noticeable to other people, though? Nope! (thank goodness) Also, as previously mentioned, this is not the thickest lotion in the world, so a particularly cold winter day might merit another layer. This lotion doesn’t pill whatsoever, even when it’s not fully dry, so layering is pretty easy.

This lotion truly defies the adage of “you get what you pay for”. For the price point, this lotion is a godsend. I’ve been using it daily for close to 15 years, and I’ve never had any issues with texture, residue, or extreme dryness on my skin — that’s more than I can say for a lot of $7+ mainstay body lotions sitting right next to this on the shelf! ~A

Perceived efficacy: 5/5

Longevity: 5/5

How much I actually like this product: 5/5

Recommended for sensitive skin: Yes

The Ordinary Magnesium Ascorbyl Phosphate 10%

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I have a section in my medicine cabinet that is reserved for products that I’m unsure about keeping around for the long haul — Skincare Purgatory, I call it. The Ordinary’s MAP was soundly in purgatory. I ignored it for a few weeks (probably destabilizing the Vitamin C in that time, but, this particular product isn’t as prone to oxidation as other formulas, so I don’t feel too bad), came back to it, and I’m so glad I gave it a second chance. Although MAP is not known to be a Vitamin C powerhouse, I’ve personally had great results while using this.

There’s not a ton of product in this little tube, which kind of stinks since I find myself reaching for this lotion at least three times a week. Granted, it is only $10 , but having to frequently rebuy is still kind of annoying.

The lotion itself has a bit of an orange-tan tint, but it applies white, and absorbs relatively quick, and fully, without any leftover cast. Unlike other Vitamin C formulations, this particular lotion is not gritty, thank goodness. Now, for the downside: this lotion smells like… cardboard. Or wet paper. Or, glue, maybe? Whatever it is, it’s pretty pervasive for the first hour of wear. Maybe this isn’t the worst smell in the world, but it’s definitely not my favorite.

When you apply Vitamin C products, you should wait a few extra minutes between that and your next routine step. This is no exception, it does take a little longer to dry. But once it’s dry, it plays PHENOMENALLY with any moisturizers or foundations you layer over it. (Don’t forget your sunscreen, too!) This wears well throughout the day, and doesn’t cause any faster-than-normal makeup breakdown.

I think I’ve gotten VERY tiny breakouts — like, one or two miniscule blemishes — since I’ve started using it, but it’s far less extreme than when I use regular Vitamin C serums, and they go away quickly. I don’t foresee this being a normal occurrence going forward, and I otherwise think it’s great for sensitive skin. My skin texture seems to have gotten brighter overall.

I haven’t had good luck with The Ordinary as of late, so I’m happy to finally have a win from them. MAP is officially out of my skincare routine purgatory shelf, and onto my “use a few times a week” shelf. If you’re looking for a less abrasive Vitamin C product, I absolutely recommend this one. ~A

Perceived efficacy: 4/5

Longevity: 4/5

How much I actually like this product: 4/5

Recommended for sensitive skin: Yes — though you may experience some initial break outs, as it is an exfoliant.